Showing posts with label airport. Show all posts
Showing posts with label airport. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Empathy at the Airport

The other day, I read a few stories about empathy at the airport (links below) and it got me thinking; isn't the airport a great place to grow our empathy, because it's full of people? It's a big concrete box bursting with human beings stuck together in one place for a limited time.

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I'm amazed when I consider how many of us could be in the terminal simultaneously. If you are like me, then maybe you only go to the airport to get from point A to point B. We are the travelers; we are the families going to visit other families or if we are lucky, taking a vacation. We are the employees carrying laptops and going to business meetings.

I know that there are other people who love to fly. I see them posting online about their adventures. For these travel experts, I hear that it's simply a joy for them to move so fast and so far and to put their eyeballs and bodies out there in the cosmos.

I can imagine that there are other kinds of travelers that are going on a one-way trip. The guys who are using boarding passes and suitcases to say good-bye for the last time to their home and everything they've ever known, or the gals who are running to a new future in a new town, without looking back.

Rounding out this mass of humanity are the daily airport workers; our brothers and sisters whose alarm clocks and morning coffees are getting them to the big box every day. They are keeping the place moving and shaking by feeding us, cleaning up after us and speeding us on our way. Souls with hearts and minds and fingers and toes are working at the kiosks and cooking in the restaurants and cleaning the bathrooms. People are shunting us like cattle through the security machines or doing a pat-down, and maybe they love their jobs or maybe they don't. I can't leave out the pilots and co-pilots, the flight attendants and all of the other people for whom the airport is their daily commute. There must also be many people I never see or talk to; employees of the airlines and other businesses, the airport administrators, baggage handlers and air traffic controllers.

It's inspiring to have so many people all together in one building at one time. I see this structured system of commercial travel as an opportunity for us empathy builders, because more people means we've all got a higher probability to meet someone new and learn about an entirely different life. Are you going to the airport soon? Perhaps this is your chance to stretch your empathy muscles.

Here are some great airport stories for you to check out:


Here's my latest flying story. Please let me know your flying stories in the comments below, I'd love to hear them.

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On a recent business trip, I was flying next to a man who had never been on an airplane in his life. He was older than me, at least in his fifties. I was busy and so we didn't talk until the plane was landing. He was in the middle leg of a three-flight trip, on his way to South Carolina. He wasn't flying direct, he said, because it was cheaper and he had the time to spare.

He told me he was happy, because he was on his way to see his son and 8 week-old grandson. He explained that the flight was a return trip - he had just finished moving everything he and his wife owned to Chicago. It was a long quiet drive on back roads with a big truck, and there were no good radio stations, but it was beautiful. I was confused, and said, "If your family is in Kentucky, why did you move to Chicago?" He told me that he can't stay in Kentucky anymore. He looked a little sad when he said it, like it was a very hard decision for him.

A few years ago, he said he had retired to take care of his wife. Now they were moving to a new town to support his daughter, who was in school in Chicago. He said, "She's in it for the long haul. She'll be spending the next five years studying and doing apprenticeships for her degree, and then once she gets her certification she'll need to look for a job. All of the jobs for her line of work are in Chicago. My son, though, has a career in South Carolina with his wife and family, and they just bought a new house. So I think I'll be flying back and forth for the next ten years, at least."

I looked in his eyes, which held both joy and fear. I said, "It sounds like you are the end of one journey, and the start of another."

He agreed. We were quiet until we disembarked.

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Please tell us your stories!

Janet

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Empathy, Race and Trials - the downside of unconscious empathy

I've been thinking this week about unconscious empathy. Unconscious empathy is when I feel an immediate connection with a person - maybe because I see or hear something about them that reminds me of myself.  This kind of empathy is not intentional; and because it's not intentional I believe that it's just too easy for me to make mistakes when doing it.

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In 2014, there were a lot of news stories about how people like me, white Americans, are racist. The articles talk about how we treat people unconsciously with bias and disrespect. We walk on the other side of the street from people of a different race. We glare at strangers with hoodies walking through our neighborhoods.

I connect this with empathy because in these examples, we are not empathizing with the people we see at all. I see this because in the same way that I automatically empathize with those who are like me, I do not automatically empathize with those people who are unlike me. It's not done on purpose; I'm not thinking about my behavior. I'm just doing it.

If I don't empathize with the person who is unlike me, I am more likely to treat them with disrespect. This comes to mind when I think about the extreme examples; the shooting of Michael Brown and subsequent decision not to bring the case to trial, and the killing of Eric Garner and the dismissal of charges against the police officer. I don't know what happened in those cases any more than you do; but I do know that if I have empathy for someone, I don't want to hurt them. How can I? They are like me.

This lack of empathy by me (one person) can grow from something small to something big when I think about how it affects the system at large, for example, when I consider a trial by jury.

I found this great article on Juror Empathy and Race by Professor Douglas O. Linder*. He makes a lot of interesting points about how juries are generally more empathetic towards the defendant (or the victim) if they share the same race. A jury is told to treat everyone equally, and to only listen to the facts of a case. Yet in case after case, it appears that we still act unconsciously to have more empathy to those who are like us, and to have less empathy for those who are unlike us. Men with less empathy to women. Whites with less empathy to people of color. Cisgender with less empathy for transgender. Etc.

A long time ago I told a story about how I had empathy for a mom at the airport, and how I felt drawn to help her. I look back on that story and think, "what a great example of unconscious empathy". I'm just not sure anymore if it's a good story or a bad one; if it's good, it's good because I helped that woman. If it's a bad story, it's because it tells me that if I was put on a jury, I too could make a bad choice. If a mom committed a crime, would I be less likely to convict her? What about someone who was accused of hurting a child, would I be more likely to convict them?

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One of the other interesting points in the article is that educated people are less likely to be chosen for a jury. I don't agree with excluding this group. If I'm on trial, I would want a jury of people who spend more time thinking, and less time reacting. I would want someone judging me who was aware of the unconscious biases in our culture, and was prepared to go against them.

Janet

*http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/juryseminar/JurorEmpathy.html by Douglas O. Linder link pulled 1/6/2015

Friday, January 18, 2013

Airport Empathy

I'm writing this post at 5:30am in Detroit, MI.

I came here last night on business, and after saying farewell to my family and talking nonstop politics to the nice taxi driver, I was finally at the airport and waiting for my flight to leave. We were delayed at least two hours so I ate some dinner and grabbed some edamame to go from the Sushi bar.

I sat in between a young early-20s woman with long, red hair and a mid-30s age Indian woman and her daughter. The girl looked to be about four or five, and was bouncing in her seat. She reminded me of my eldest daughter at that age, just idly singing to herself, in a language I didn't understand.

Halfway through my edamame snack, the young woman and I struck up a conversation. I tried to listen to her openly and with intent, focusing on empathy and my 'I love you man' internal speech, which worked out pretty good. In fact, it worked so well that she asked for my email address so we could keep in touch, which was SO UNUSUAL for me. Me, making friends at airports! :) I wonder if she'll write?

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After a while of waiting we were told that our plane had arrived, but they had to clean it before we could board. I was still talking to the young woman when I heard the little girl next to me, starting to get a bit loud. She had progressed to jumping on the heating unit, near the window, and was shouting. The mom was starting to look a little bit annoyed. I should mention that at one point earlier in my little airport adventure, the little girl had climbed under the seat to retrieve a toy, and had kicked me. The mom looked at me and said "sorry" and I said "not a problem, I have two at home, totally understand" and smiled.

The little girl got a bit louder. She had pulled her mom's luggage off of the chair and dragged it over to the waiting area by the plane. Even louder now, saying the same phrase over and over (which I assume meant 'come on' or 'please' or 'mama' or something to that nature). She was nearly screaming it now, and I found myself pulled into looking at her. All I could think of was that this mom, this poor mom, she had been through so much already, taking care of her kid through airport security, through baggage maybe, then through the terminal, and then through waiting and keeping her entertained for hours and hours. So I interrupted my discussion with the young woman saying, "I'm sorry, but I feel so much for this mom, I have to do something" and ran through the terminal. I ran because I was worried about missing the boarding, as we were going to get on at any minute. (Just to make it clear how loud this girl was getting, I could still hear her as I ran through the terminal).I just kept thinking that this Mom was probably tired and done and just out of ideas for how to calm her daughter. I ran to the little candy/bookstore, scanned the shelves, and bought the first coloring book with markers I saw. It's not much, I thought, but maybe it will be a 'new toy' for a short while and give the Mom the break she (to my mind) so desperately needed.

I ran back with the book and thought, "how am I going to approach her, she's a stranger, really" but I ran right up to her. The little girl was still screaming and shouting and crying, jumping up and down, and the mom was just hanging on to her and keeping her from running off. I walked up to her and said, "Excuse me, I just would like to tell you that I know how you feel, I've been where you are, and if this will help you at all..." holding out the book. The little girl - stopped crying - and after a brief moment of hesitation - was soon coloring and sitting down and the mom looked 1 million times relieved. At first the mom had tried to make an excuse for the girl, "she's just tired, she really wants to get on the plane' but then just said, "um, yes, okay" to the book. I wasn't sure why she was trying to explain, at first, and I could tell she wasn't sure about getting something from a stranger, but when the mom accepted the book, she (and all of us at the terminal) seemed much happier for it.

At the time it wasn't the logical thing to do, it was the emotional thing. I was just going with my feelings for the mom, and acting on those feelings.

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A few people at the terminal stopped me on my way to the plane (we were boarding now) and commented, "That was a wonderful thing you did". I felt good getting their comments, but not as good as seeing the look of peace and gratefulness on this mom's face as we boarded the plane. Another person said to me that a few moments before (perhaps while I was off  buying the book, since I didn't see this) an old man had come up to the mom and said loudly, "We don't need to hear your child crying. Quiet her down." I was horrified to hear this - although not surprised - but now I understood why she was trying to 'explain' herself to me. She thought I was coming up to scold her, too. Not true!

Finally, as I was getting on the plane, the airline bumped me up to a bigger seat free of charge. I didn't ask - they just did it. Paying it forward, I suppose.

Thanks for listening and please add your stories and thoughts!

:)