Rushing to judgements - update

In my previous post about rushing to judgments, I said that I was going to try to stop being judgmental. I've been trying, and failing, and trying again. I was trying this:

I'm doing it by focusing on a person's eyes and facial expressions before I do anything else. I have been trying to avoid looking at what people are wearing or how their bodies look, and to try to see them as people first.

So, that's not working. :(

I think it's not working because judging is a strong habit. For instance, I was at a playground this weekend and there were other parents around. I caught myself several times making up stories about them; this one was a cab driver, that one was an ex-punk rocker, this one was taking zumba classes. Ugh. Each time I realized what I was doing I stopped myself. But it was very discouraging.

The 'eye contact' thing isn't working for, I think, several reasons. First I think people are uncomfortable making eye contact in non-social situations like elevators or train stations. Also, some people see me making eye contact and they expect a conversation. I seem to be scaring people.

For now, I'm  trying to simply be aware of when I'm doing it. Hopefully this will give me the practice I need to stop judging, and open up to the possibility of empathy.

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A recent trip to New York City reminded me something about my habits. See, growing up there I learned the habit of looking down. Looking up, or looking around, was something I believed that only tourists did. Well now here I am, not as a tourist, but not looking down. I broke the habit, and now I look all around.

On the subway, I wasn't looking where I was going (yes, I wasn't looking down) and I bumped someone, hard. I turned and apologized, and she gave me a look. The look was, "uh, why are you apologizing?" which just shows how long I've been NOT a city-dweller. Yet another New York City habit broken. I don't assume that it's all-right to bump into people.

If I can break habits here, I can break them anywhere. :)

Have you ever broken a habit? Tell us about it.

Tourism Hospitality and Empathy

I've been comparing the people I meet, in everyday life, as to how easy or hard it is to create an empathy connection. As was recently pointed out to me in our comments section, differences in culture and background can make empathy harder to create and build.

For example, I live very close to a tourist area. I also grew up in a touristy town, New York City. It has been my observation that folks working in the service industry for tourism are both easier to be around, because they are so 'nice', and also significantly harder to connect to. I assume it is due to training. They have to interact with people from dozens of cultures and backgrounds, and must remain detached from them all to keep themselves from offending the customers with their own personality.

I can and do feel sympathy for them, but it's hard to be empathetic when the person you are talking to is not permitted to express their own self.

Is this something you've seen? Have you worked a tourist job, what was it like for you?