Showing posts with label unconscious empathy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unconscious empathy. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Empathy, Race and Trials - the downside of unconscious empathy

I've been thinking this week about unconscious empathy. Unconscious empathy is when I feel an immediate connection with a person - maybe because I see or hear something about them that reminds me of myself.  This kind of empathy is not intentional; and because it's not intentional I believe that it's just too easy for me to make mistakes when doing it.

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In 2014, there were a lot of news stories about how people like me, white Americans, are racist. The articles talk about how we treat people unconsciously with bias and disrespect. We walk on the other side of the street from people of a different race. We glare at strangers with hoodies walking through our neighborhoods.

I connect this with empathy because in these examples, we are not empathizing with the people we see at all. I see this because in the same way that I automatically empathize with those who are like me, I do not automatically empathize with those people who are unlike me. It's not done on purpose; I'm not thinking about my behavior. I'm just doing it.

If I don't empathize with the person who is unlike me, I am more likely to treat them with disrespect. This comes to mind when I think about the extreme examples; the shooting of Michael Brown and subsequent decision not to bring the case to trial, and the killing of Eric Garner and the dismissal of charges against the police officer. I don't know what happened in those cases any more than you do; but I do know that if I have empathy for someone, I don't want to hurt them. How can I? They are like me.

This lack of empathy by me (one person) can grow from something small to something big when I think about how it affects the system at large, for example, when I consider a trial by jury.

I found this great article on Juror Empathy and Race by Professor Douglas O. Linder*. He makes a lot of interesting points about how juries are generally more empathetic towards the defendant (or the victim) if they share the same race. A jury is told to treat everyone equally, and to only listen to the facts of a case. Yet in case after case, it appears that we still act unconsciously to have more empathy to those who are like us, and to have less empathy for those who are unlike us. Men with less empathy to women. Whites with less empathy to people of color. Cisgender with less empathy for transgender. Etc.

A long time ago I told a story about how I had empathy for a mom at the airport, and how I felt drawn to help her. I look back on that story and think, "what a great example of unconscious empathy". I'm just not sure anymore if it's a good story or a bad one; if it's good, it's good because I helped that woman. If it's a bad story, it's because it tells me that if I was put on a jury, I too could make a bad choice. If a mom committed a crime, would I be less likely to convict her? What about someone who was accused of hurting a child, would I be more likely to convict them?

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One of the other interesting points in the article is that educated people are less likely to be chosen for a jury. I don't agree with excluding this group. If I'm on trial, I would want a jury of people who spend more time thinking, and less time reacting. I would want someone judging me who was aware of the unconscious biases in our culture, and was prepared to go against them.

Janet

*http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/juryseminar/JurorEmpathy.html by Douglas O. Linder link pulled 1/6/2015

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

If you practice, empathy may become automatic - A feedback at work story

I was recently reminded that building empathy takes practice. It also takes effort, it takes repetition, and it is hard sometimes. But the payoffs are fantastic.

I have a job, and I know that part of working any job is being able to play nicely with the other kids in the schoolyard. If I don't get along I could get reprimanded, or even fired. I also have the added task of working closely with our customers. If I'm not 'nice', well, then they could decide they don't want our business anymore. Peter Shankman talks about this concept all the time on his blog.

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The other day my boss passed me some feedback from a client* who was mad. He said, "Joe said you were pushy, and inflexible, and not customer focused." According to Joe, when working with me he felt "It's her way or the highway."

That's when empathy hit me right between the eyes.

I immediately felt what this guy was feeling. No matter what caused him to say those things, his perception immediately became my reality. I was standing next to him at the water cooler, listening to him moan about this horrible consultant he had to work with. I was a fly on the wall in his boss's office, while he went on and on about how difficult it was to talk with me. I was him, and at the same time I was me, remembering that time I had a really bad experience with a doctor's office. Things didn't happen the way I wanted them to, and I was unhappy about it.

What if I said these things? Why would I say them? How would I be feeling? I would be feeling hurt. I would be feeling angry at how I had been treated - and feeling like 'she wasn't being fair' and 'she wasn't helping me'.  Mostly, that 'she wasn't listening to me'.

All these thoughts helped me to put his comments in perspective. I remembered the day that I talked to him. I could see how my comments could be seen as pushy. I told my boss, "I know better, and I shouldn't have treated a client that way. I'll definitely try to do better next time. "

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What was so great about this automatic empathy was that I didn't get defensive and I didn't argue. Practicing empathy allowed me to get past my own anger, and see the information for what it was. I was still MAD at what this guy said. I think that just makes sense, he was insulting me. I was just able to take that out of the equation when talking to my boss.

Anyone care to share a 'getting' or 'giving' feedback story (good or bad)? Please use the comments, or send me a message on our facebook page.

Janet

*Names and details have been changed.